Thursday, October 25, 2007

Target Panick Attack

DEAR GOD HELP ME! Little Diva and I ventured into the whimsy that is Target to pick up some stupid crap like paper towels and light bulbs. You know, the stuff you just can't wait to spend money on (right now I'd rather buy a couple of martinis than be able to see in my house at night). Anyway, while we were perusing the various visually delectable wares at Target, I decided that since it is getting a bit chilly here, I need to pick up some more running/laying around the house attire. I went to the sportswear section and started looking for my favorite fall/winter separates of all time. At first I didn't see anything, so I checked around more slowly than the first round. And again a little faster. And again. And by the fourth time around the department, I was so frantic that Little Diva actually said to me, "Mommy, do you not feel well? Please slow down." I was pacing around the racks like someone looking for a way out in a Friday the 13th film. And yet, I NEVER FOUND THE BLACK SLIGHTLY-CLINGY BUT MAKE MY BUTT LOOK MUCH SMALLER YOGA PANTS. If they have opted out of this particular merchandise selection, MY LIFE IS OVER! First the vacuum, then the pants. What next, the apocalypse???

Addendum: I ended up blowing a cool $189 on household BS, one CUTE outfit for LD, a couple of workout clothes items, dogfood, lightbulbs, paper towels, Halloween candy, and Halloween sparkle shoes for LD, who will be going as Cinderella. Because I know you really wanted to know this shit. Also, I got out my wallet and told the cashier, "I don't have any money, but these people will send you some." I put my card in the card reader and she stared at me like she didn't get it. Ok. I guess I'm lame. As you were, troops. Comment away.

5 comments:

Tessie said...

I think I know the yoga pants you are talking about. Do they have a roll-down waistband and a little Artist-formerly-known-as-Prince type symbol on the front? I have them in navy. I've had people ask if they were LULULEMONs before.

What the fuck is wrong with that cashier? That was HILARIOUS! I would have laughed heartily.

mom of the year said...

Thank you for appreciating my sense of humor. Girl, you GET me! Hmmmm. The pants I think are a different brand. Knowing me, they were probably the imposter...

bananafana said...

gee if they look like lululemons then I'm going to have to start shopping at target in texas since I certainly haven't seen those here! ROAD TRIP. I've been wanting a certain pair of their crops but can't find anywhere that sells them here (of course, we are in missoura).
Do you need to come blow up ballows at our house again? K could make you an awesome "poodle". why do I get such joy out of making fun of his balloon animals? target sucks the very life out of my wallet . . .

Tessie said...

You know why they're different? BECAUSE I GOT THEM AT OLD NAVY! Just checked my gym bag. Jesus H Christ, I am senile. Anyway, try Old Navy, they rock.

Further proof: I was browsing through my Reader, looking for your site so I could check comments, and I kept thinking, Pat the Bunny, Pat the Bunny, WHERE THE FUCK IS PAT THE BUNNY ON HERE?

mom of the year said...

Tessie: Pat the Bunny! Dude, that is too funny. That's alright. Sometimes I look for Tessie in mine. Senility is the lasting gift of motherhood.