Monday, November 19, 2007

10 Things That Annoy Me (A TRL Exclusive)

OK, so this was going to be the TOP ten things that annoy me. However, that is a continually changing list which is often dependent on a) my hormonal/BITCH cycle and b) the amount of times my patience has been toddler-tested in any particular day. So, we'll just go with ten things overall. These are not deal breakers. These are the things that just make me say, "What is UP with this shit?" In no particular order:

10) Purchasing a fountain beverage and realizing upon the return to my car that I have chosen the incorrect size of straw for the beverage cup. Naturally, I've already buckled in and revved up the 4 cylinder when this occurs.

9) Finding myself alone and up late on a Friday night only to rediscover for the eighty-billionth time that Frasier and Golden Girls are NOT in the late-night line up on Lifetime.

8) Again, back out in the car, buckled, revved, etc. etc. and discovering that my iced chai latte has been inappropriately created with WHOLE MILK (I said NON-FAT, you bastard. No, not you. The other one!). Note: Pardons are granted for new baristas.

7) Applying deodorant and the damn stuff falls out. You know, the last chunk left in the twisty-up-lie-to-me container? And it always happens on a this-is-my-last-clean-black-tank-top day, thereby leaving a tell-tale trail of white crap across said shirt. This is why I donned an over shirt on the hottest fucking day of the summer.

6) Nancy Grace. Moving on...

5) Getting all excited that we have a ton of mail, only to realize that 95% of it is from charitable organizations who by now have used all of my previous donation money to send me solicitations for new donations. Next time I'll send them stamps instead and we'll call it even.

4) Long honkers. See Lame Snippet 2 for more info.

3) Stopping at a four-way stop across from other drivers and being the only one who knows the correct procedure. By this I mean that everyone else looks from one driver to the next, and some try to wave others through with complete disregard for the right way to handle it. For those of you who fall into THEIR category, here is the deal should we ever meet across one of these situations (to avoid my wrath):

A FOUR-WAY STOP sign means that there are four stop signs at this
intersection. Traffic from all four directions must stop. The first vehicle to
reach the intersection should move forward first. If two vehicles reach the
intersection at the same time, the driver on the left yields to the driver on the right.*

2) Trying to open any sort of container wrapped in some sort of cellophane/shrink-wrap where a perforation is denoted "OPEN HERE." The annoying containers of which I speak tend to be beverages, lip glosses, or cough syrup. The teeny perforation serves no purpose for me except to make me feel like a complete failure because I can't even open the damn thing where they've supposedly made it easy. CONVENIENCE MY ASS! Somebody hand me a scissors or a box cutter or something. I'll take off a finger tip before I buy into that "open here" scam again. Don't try and do me any favors, Mr. Consumer-Friendly-Packaging Developer Guy. I'm just fine doin' it old school...

1) THIS:
WHY, GOD, WHY? Is this really that hard to figure out? Is this deficiency in appropriate TP behavior genetic and gender-related?

Note: This pic may later appear in a photo essay about hubby. But I was dying to use it, and it fits with the current topic.

Well, I think that's about it for now. NEXT SUBJECT COMING SOON!


Tessie said...

RIGHT ON on the four-way stop thing. Don't these people have drivers ed?

bananafana said...

two things -
1) no one in this entire city (besides us 2 of course) knows how to do the 4 way stop and we're the fucking city with MORE STOP SIGNS THAN ANY OTHER which always makes for crappy drives
2) I can't decide if the toilet paper is worse hanging out on top of the roller or put on backwards - for some reason it going over the back makes me absolutely nuts

Kristen said...

Oh man, the soda thing gets me EVERY time! Does Diet Coke and Coke sound the same???? NO!!! And they always freaking do it in the drive thru, so you have to get out and go inside and fix it. Seriously!!!

LoriD said...

Nancy Grace - GAHHH! I first came across her during the whole Lacey Peterson thing on Larry King and hated her. I could not believe the people calling the show to say how she was so great. THEN they gave her her own show?? GAHHH!

Oh, and the mail thing too. MADD is the worst for that. I was so incensed by the follow-up calls and junk mail that I had a 10 minute conversation with some random red-ribbon-selling woman in Wal-Mart about how I will never donate to her charity again.

Jenny's Vegcafe said...

Ugh.. the charity thing.. I finally stopped getting calls and mails almost daily from March of Dimes after we donated some money to them a few times. Seriously, they were calling at least once a day...sometimes twice. And the address labels? How much money are they spending that they could use for their actual charity?
Hey, anybody want free address labels? Send ten dollars to March of Dimes and you'll get a lifetime supply.

Matt Kindt said...

Can't wait to see that photo essay! Your photos crack me up the most. Also -- if you're on the pot and sitting down what else is there to do? You might as well put the new roll on? Unless the phone rings or something and you gotta get outta there in a hurry...

mom of the year said...

Tessie: SERIOUSLY! With all the stop signs in this town, I can't wrap my brain around that one...

Fana: You and me, baby! Let's hit the 4 way by your house and show 'em how it's done.

Kristen: With you on that. Of course, as with all my beverage dilemmas, I'm already back out on the road before I figure it out!

lorid: If Nancy were any cattier (is that a word), I'd claw through the screen at her! And I totally dig on your presentation to the red-ribbon lady. You have CAJONES!

Jen: Yeah, I've got my stockpile of labels from, let's see: Humane Society, ASPCA, Jerry Lewis, Easter Seals, etc. The list goes on FOREVER!!! I need more friends to whom I send cards. Wanna be on my Christmas list?!

Kindt: I've pondered that question many times myself. Although, perhaps he just gets too caught up in SOMEONE's book. Let's go with that one so I can't be too mad at him. Gotta support the locals, you know...