10) Purchasing a fountain beverage and realizing upon the return to my car that I have chosen the incorrect size of straw for the beverage cup. Naturally, I've already buckled in and revved up the 4 cylinder when this occurs.
9) Finding myself alone and up late on a Friday night only to rediscover for the eighty-billionth time that Frasier and Golden Girls are NOT in the late-night line up on Lifetime.
8) Again, back out in the car, buckled, revved, etc. etc. and discovering that my iced chai latte has been inappropriately created with WHOLE MILK (I said NON-FAT, you bastard. No, not you. The other one!). Note: Pardons are granted for new baristas.
7) Applying deodorant and the damn stuff falls out. You know, the last chunk left in the twisty-up-lie-to-me container? And it always happens on a this-is-my-last-clean-black-tank-top day, thereby leaving a tell-tale trail of white crap across said shirt. This is why I donned an over shirt on the hottest fucking day of the summer.
6) Nancy Grace. Moving on...
5) Getting all excited that we have a ton of mail, only to realize that 95% of it is from charitable organizations who by now have used all of my previous donation money to send me solicitations for new donations. Next time I'll send them stamps instead and we'll call it even.
4) Long honkers. See Lame Snippet 2 for more info.
3) Stopping at a four-way stop across from other drivers and being the only one who knows the correct procedure. By this I mean that everyone else looks from one driver to the next, and some try to wave others through with complete disregard for the right way to handle it. For those of you who fall into THEIR category, here is the deal should we ever meet across one of these situations (to avoid my wrath):
A FOUR-WAY STOP sign means that there are four stop signs at this
intersection. Traffic from all four directions must stop. The first vehicle to
reach the intersection should move forward first. If two vehicles reach the
intersection at the same time, the driver on the left yields to the driver on the right.*
2) Trying to open any sort of container wrapped in some sort of cellophane/shrink-wrap where a perforation is denoted "OPEN HERE." The annoying containers of which I speak tend to be beverages, lip glosses, or cough syrup. The teeny perforation serves no purpose for me except to make me feel like a complete failure because I can't even open the damn thing where they've supposedly made it easy. CONVENIENCE MY ASS! Somebody hand me a scissors or a box cutter or something. I'll take off a finger tip before I buy into that "open here" scam again. Don't try and do me any favors, Mr. Consumer-Friendly-Packaging Developer Guy. I'm just fine doin' it old school...
WHY, GOD, WHY? Is this really that hard to figure out? Is this deficiency in appropriate TP behavior genetic and gender-related?
Note: This pic may later appear in a photo essay about hubby. But I was dying to use it, and it fits with the current topic.
Well, I think that's about it for now. NEXT SUBJECT COMING SOON!