Sunday, July 13, 2008

My Unmarriage

Well, y'all, pull up a chair. It's time for us to have a chat. Don't worry; I'm doing really great. Acutally, I'm probably the best I've been in years. I'll just let you know that from the beginning.

As many of you know from reading an earlier post, Hubs (J Dizzle) and I are no longer an item. I mentioned in that post that I didn't want to discuss it, and it wasn't because anyone is angry or hateful or anything; it's just that the situation deserves its own post. So here is the truth coming to you live and direct to quell any rumors or speculation.

We've been separated for about two months, and it's not about us having "a difficult time." This is long overdue.

I haven't posted this before because J Dizzle has friends that read this blog, and out of respect for him, I wanted to be sure that he was able to communicate with them on his own rather than having me drag our shit out into the limelight. We're cool like that. This whole thing is cool like that. We're grown-ups.

Those of you out there in the blogosphere who've been around a while know that this blog has become increasingly introspective over the last year. When I joined up with the bloggers last year, things had already been spiraling towards the end of our marriage for a long time. This blog was a place where I could hang and be all snarkalicious and sassy and foul-mouthed and all of that other shit (he he). The reality of all of this nonsense is that humor is the shovel for the shit-pile of life. My blog became a bulldozer, and I've known why for a long time.

J Dizzle and I have been living separate lives emotionally for many years. This separation is not about an incident that made us question anything, or some unforgivable something. This separation is because we are not a good fit for each other, and we have both acknowledged that we mutually deserve to be happy and in healthy relationships.

When I said I was going to rock my THIRTIES, I wasn't lying. Ya feel me?

The truth is, if he came home and told me that he met some woman that he wanted to get to know better, I'd go grab a couple of beers, plop down on the couch with him, and want to know all about her. Why? Because I want him to be happy. And I know that he's talked to some honeys, and it's all good.

I'm totally open to anything you all want to know. Seriously. You can e-mail questions to me at momoftheyearblog at gmail dot com. Nothing is off of the table. I imagine there are several of you going through similar things, and the best thing I can do to help any of you get through situations that may not be as amicable as mine is to offer up my story. So whatever it is - sex, money, living arrangements, support - just send it or post it in the comments.

Much love,
Mom of the Year

210 comments:

1 – 200 of 210   Newer›   Newest»
Tessie said...

I love "unmarriage"! And "no longer an item"! And so many other things about this post. So proud of you for writing it. I know how hard it is.

You sound GREAT. You ARE great. I would be happy if BR found someone else too. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? It means what I think it means, doesn't it?

Love ya xoxox

Erica said...

How have y'all worked out "custody" of your princess?

How did you broach the subject of the separation to him? How did he react? Surprised, relieved?

Anywho, I'm super happy for you, babe. You deserve all the happiness you can get your grubby little hands on.

Saly said...

It sounds like a well thought out decision and that you are both approaching it with level heads.

I asked Tessie this too--I'm interested in the logistics. Custody, housing etc.

The upside of this is that you are now now 100% free when Donnie W. comes-a-knockin'. (You would have gone before anyway though, right....)

Love ya man!

LoriD said...

this is a good kind of divorce/separation. You'll always be friends, which is so great for LD, but you recognize the need to live a life that is happy and fulfilled, not just comfortable. You sound so at peace with the decision.

My biggest question/concern for divorced couples with children is about being geographically connected. I can't imagine either of you wanting to be too far from your daughter, so does that mean you're destined to live in the same geographic area for the next 14 or so years? If so, does that interfere with any of your plans?

Misty said...

My first thought was, "Oh, I wonder if Tessie knows about this blog". Annnnnd then I got my answer. And apparently all my other bloggy peeps are here, too. And no one invited me to the party. ;)

If I may venture a uninvited opinion, I am sorry things didn't work out like you planned. But I am glad for you that you have decided to take charge of your life to make what you want it to be. That takes so much courage.

Swistle said...

Oh, how very interesting to read this! Thank you so much for writing it. I don't have a specific question, but I'm keen to know the ups and downs and logistics as they play out over the next months and years.

artemisia said...

This sounds like a very good thing. I am glad you are both in such a good place about this. It sounds like it is the best for everyone.

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