Well, there are less than 2 weeks until your big holiday. I hope that I'm not too late to get on your dance card for the evening. If I am, then I suppose I'll have to wait for presents until next year. If, however, I get this to you before your route has been determined (damned logistics companies do everything so early these days), there are a few things I'd like to suggest.
First, I must say that I think I've been pretty good this year. My toddler has managed to survive another year in my care, and I've not been convicted of anything that would lead to a stay in the nice correctional facility downtown. As for my mental state, well, I can only say that I'm coherent and have found ways to parlay any stress. I've gotten through another year of stay-at-home motherhood. So I'm all good then, right? Cool.
Secondly, I'd like you to know that this is merely a list of suggestions. If kids these days understood how to write Christmas lists in this way, we might see less school violence and more kids sharing. But the damned little brats have to get everything. Anyway, I digress. Here are my suggestions:
1) A shower enclosure/wall tile to take the place of the crap caulk job currently in place;
2) An all-inclusive trip to an unknown island for ME ME ME (and perhaps a fishbowl companion);
3) The antidote for toddler whining (I'm sure you can relate with the elves and all);
4) Sanity, or some semblance thereof;
5) Just one editor to say "We'd LOVE to publish that. It's AWESOME!";
6) OK, maybe 2 editors;
7) Toys for Diva that will neither be recalled nor come from China (let's just avoid it from the get-go);
8) A spank bank for hubs (thank you, Kristen and respective firefighters);
9) A spot in the next Fiddy video (random white ho on the Benz);
10) A get-out-of-jail-free card for my dirty mouth on this blog;
and if your damned corporate sponsors haven't completely repealed your budget, please send
11) THIS. Hey, I can dream, right?
Lastly, please tell Mrs. Claus that I think she's one hell of a woman putting up with your bullshit. What kind of husband works only one day a year? And putting the needs of the entire world first? Damn, Santa, you'd better be one HELL of a lover, because I can tell you that shit would bother me like all get out.
Anyway, please bring all my blogger peeps whatever they want for Christmas. They deserve it.
Much Love and Merry Christmas!