Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Eye Doctor IQ

Am I the only person in the world who gets nervous going to the eye doctor? Perhaps some of you can identify with my nervous tummy if I lay out my visit for you today:

Exhibit A: The air puff test thing. Yeah, you know the drill. They shoot air into your eye to check the pressure. Totally sucks and I flinch every time, meaning it takes like 10 tries to get it right.

Exhibit B: The stupid eye charts. Damn. I feel like I'm being given a pop quiz or something. What letter is that? G, or maybe a C? Wait. Is that a O or a D? And just for shits and giggles to scare the hell out of you, there are numbers now on that thing, too.

Exhibit C: The corrective lenses eye test. Which is clearer, this or this? OK. Is this better or worse? Fuzzy or clearer? 1 or 2? OK. 3 or 4? OK 5 or 6? What the hell number are we on?! No dammit, I don't know which is better! Which is the right answer????????? Stop the insanity!

Exhibit D: Field vision screening. Every time the doc sees that my mom has developing glaucoma, I am automatically subjected to the stupid test where you click a button every time you see a line disturbance in a vision field. And I'm all, GOD, I DON'T FUCKING KNOW! Did I just see one there? Or there? Or was that just an artifact from the last one? Someone tell me the answer!

Yeah, so that was my day. I'm going for coffee and a Prozac, perhaps...


Artemisia said...

I feel the EXACT SAME WAY. I get so stressed about the puff air thing that the numbers come back high enough that my eye should have exploded.


bananafana said...

I have no sympathy - I used to go to the eye doctor like every month when I was a kid. If you want I can write down the eye chart and you can study it for next time - I have it memorized (haven't there ALWAYS been numbers on it?)

Kristen said...

I think there have always been numbers on it...Get LASIK surgery...awesome...and I hate the puff thing.

Jenny's Vegcafe said...

I beg the optometrist not to the do the eye puff to me. Yes, I shamelessly beg. And the last time the poor old doc either didn't have the patience for my whining or just felt pity on me. Either way I'll take it.
And I always feel like I'm taking a test that I -should- know the answers to when looking at the eye chart. My fear is that I'll answer wrong, get the wrong prescription, and ruin my own eyes with my stupidity. The psychosis goes deep. "Help, I'm blind! I just wanted some cool frames."